Hello
Sep 4th, 2011 by Unknown Entity

<I say hello to my mom’s friend in front of my mom>

<Her friend says hello back>

Mom: WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY HELLO TO MY FRIEND????

 

-Repeat this when saying goodbye

-She does this every fucking time.  I swear she does it on purpose so that I’ll get pissed in front of her friends, thus justifying all the bad shit she’s been telling them about me.

The Potato
Jul 16th, 2011 by Unknown Entity

How about the potato?  Is that too much starch?

Radiation
Jul 16th, 2011 by Unknown Entity

I heard from news the cell phone has about 19000 radiation when you turn it on or touch it when you are on line so it should be turned off if you are not using it and should keep 30-50cm distance from your body when you use it.  Be careful! The radiation is high.

Sent from my iPhone

Bad mommy
Oct 16th, 2010 by nya

*door to bathroom opens abruptly*

Me: “Hello?!”
Mom: “Nya! I just saw that bad neighborhood cat! It’s using our [gardening] box as a litter box!”
Me: “Uh… ok…”
Mom: “Go take a look!”
Me: “No mom! I’m taking a shit right now!”
Mom: “Oh. Ok. You should go take a look.”
Me: “Right now?! NO! I’M TAKING A SHIT!”
Mom: “Oh. Ok.”

Beer
Sep 7th, 2009 by anonymous

setting : family party, upper west side, nyc. girl innocuously pops open a bottle of brooklyn lager. crazy asian mom barrels across the room to confront her daughter

mom : so… what? you’re drinking BEER now?

girl : um… yeah, obviously (wishes she could reply with "mother, i was in a sorority in college")

mom : *gives the death glare then storms off*

3 weeks later… girl receives an email from her dad, who obviously sent the following email bc he had been nagged to death by his wife to:

"BTW, I noticed the other day at [the party] that you drank beer. Is it true? If it’s true, you should stop that habit. Nobody in our family gets to have this habit. It’s bad and it’s not good for your health. This is why you have a family – to care about you and your future. You should be thankful of what you have."

Q is for “Queasy”
Jul 24th, 2007 by Guh

I wrote to my client an email and she responded with a “Q”, what does that mean?
Mom
—-
[guh]: beats me. does her name start with a q? what else did she say?
—-

[guh],
My friend email me a new alphabet, q is for “queasy”, I can’t believe she sent me this word.
Mom
Family Time
Jan 11th, 2007 by Guh

Guh,

I think you must have good time in x City and forgot about your family already. It is sad that you don’t miss your family. Enjoy your happy life.
Mom
Valuable Time
Jan 11th, 2007 by Guh

I am home now, thank you for spending your valuable time with me.
Mom
Steroids
Jan 11th, 2007 by Guh

Mom: (apropos to nothing) “Are you using steriods?”
X’s brother: “Uh. No.”
Mom: “…Well, of course you would deny it.”

Gin
Jan 11th, 2007 by Guh

*mother spots daughter’s bottle of tanqueray*
mom: what is this?!?!?!?!!!? is this ALCOHOL??
daughter: well… um. it’s uh… it’s… cleaning solution
mom *sniffs tanqueray*: oh, okay.
*10 mins later, dad walks in and spots the bottle of tanqueray*
dad: HEYYYYY! gin! that’s my girl
mom: GIN?!?!?! isn’t that a type of… ALCOHOL?? *begins her tirade*
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